I’M SORRY (BW- AU)

Disclaimer: The characters are inspired by real-life people, but the story is mine. Anything similar to real-life circumstances is a coincidence.

—000—

BRIGHT

Bright glances between the clock and his daughter who keeps turning her head to stare at the hallway leading to the door. He saves the last edits he made on his husband’s next single and stands up from his station, his eyes not leaving his daughter’s dejected form.

Win is late. Again.

He understands. Of course, he does. When Bright decides to fall in love with Win five years ago, he knows this will happen. 

His husband is one of the most sought-after idols in the entertainment industry. He’s 6ML’s top artist. He’s everyone’s first love, true love, and great love. It’s rare for him not to have any project because there’s a long line of shows and producers waiting for their turn.

Bright, who’s Win’s composer, knows that between them, he needs to be the one to make the sacrifice. Win can’t just fall off the face of the planet so suddenly. 

So he did. Five years ago, Bright gave up his stable composer job to become a freelance composer. He still gets paid because Win is still as bankable as ever, but he no longer has that opportunity to compose songs for other artists. 

No one knows Win is married to him. If he continues to work for 6ML, it’ll be impossible for Win to hide it.   

And it’s fine with him. Falling in love with someone like Win has consequences. But it’s something he has been ready for. 

But not for Claire, their daughter. 

Their daughter doesn’t even realize how famous her other father is yet. All she knows is that her Dada plays different roles—he can be a singer, a dancer, an actor, a host, or even a newscaster. And that he’s being taken care of by Uncle Off. 

Claire has no idea that Win holds the hearts of thousands of men and women across the world. And that if just one of them finds out he and Claire exist in his world, Win will break each of those hearts.

And his career will come to an end. 

Yesterday, Win had promised Claire that he would be home just in time to read her a bedtime story. Their daughter will sleep in less than an hour and there is still no sign of the one who made the promise.

It’s not the first time it happened. Win breaking a promise to their daughter happens more frequently than he makes it. 

“Claire?” Bright carefully asks. He will try to start mending his daughter’s heart even before it gets fully broken by another unfulfilled promise. 

Then when Win comes home later, Bright will have to heal his heart for breaking his daughter’s. 

Bright knows Win hates breaking a promise to either of them, and he always beats himself for it. But it can’t be helped. This is one of the things they already accepted when they decided to pursue this.

Still, it isn’t easy. It probably will never be until Win himself decides to leave the industry. And he can’t force his husband to do just that. He knows how much Win loves his job. 

This is the role Bright will forever take for the two people who mean the most to him right now. 

Claire slowly turns her adorable little head to face her Papa. “Yes, Papa?” she says in that small voice that tells Bright she is trying not to show him how sad she is that her Dada isn’t home yet.

Bright sits beside her on the couch and pulls his daughter to his side. He snatches the book from her hand and turns it upside down. 

“Dada will be home soon,” he says in a gentle voice he only ever uses for Win or Claire. “He probably has been caught up at work. We know how scary Dada’s bosses are, right?”

It makes Claire smile. “Uncle Off calls their bosses angry dragons and Uncle Gunnie always hits him in the back of the head.”

Bright doesn’t know whether to laugh or get frustrated at this, but he chooses to let it go. It isn’t exactly… bad… anyway. Off sure deserves that hit, but at least the thought of Gunnie hitting him makes Claire smile.

“Yes… so… erm… Dada needs to be very careful not to anger them. I am sure he will be home very soon and he will be right on time to read you a story before you go to bed.”

Win hasn’t texted or called, which means his phone isn’t with him yet. He must have been in a meeting. Bright knows that he has a couple of those today; and the last one is for a new drama role he will be filming this summer, which will be released in autumn.

Win always calls or sends a message whenever something comes up. He never likes worrying Bright.

“But—” This is it, Bright thinks. “If… if Dada cannot get away from the dragons early—will it be okay for Papa to read you that story instead of him?”

Claire’s lips quiver, but the little girl nods. She looks so much like a perfect mix of him and Win even though she came from neither of them. “Okay…. Okay, Papa.”

Bright’s heart breaks at the soft reply. He places a kiss on his daughter’s forehead. “Dada will make it up to you, Baby. But we need Dada safe too, right? We don’t want him to catch fire on his clothes. Dada needs to be handsome all the time and he won’t be handsome with burnt clothes.”

Bright feels relieved when Claire finally giggles. “Okay, Papa. We don’t want that. Dada needs to have cool clothes or he will become a Pauper and Prince Off will laugh at him from the castle.”

Okay. He really has to have a talk with Off soon. What the heck does that idiot keep telling Claire when he babysits her? 

“All right,” Bright declares as Claire rests her head on his chest. “Let’s read this first and Dada can read you the next one when he arrives, yes?”

Claire nods and starts listening to Bright narrate the story of the girl who goes to Wonderland.

Win needs to arrive soon. Bright doesn’t know how many lates Claire can take.

—000—

“I’m sorry, I’m late.” 

Bright hears the deepest regret in Win’s voice. He doesn’t hear him come in because he is too busy listening to their sleeping daughter’s broken heart and singing to her until she falls asleep. 

Bright feels the bed dip from behind him before he feels strong and lean arms wrap around his waist. It’s usually the other way around. While Win is taller, Bright is broader, and it’s easier for him to take the role of the big spoon.

But not tonight. With the way Win’s hands are trembling as he intertwines their fingers, he knows his husband isn’t ready to face him yet. 

Or their daughter for that matter. 

So Bright doesn’t say anything and just allows Win to bury his face on his back. They stay in that position for a few minutes before the younger finally speaks.

“Love, I’m sorry,” Bright feels him whisper. “I’m so sorry, Bright.”

Bright sighs and carefully turns on his side so he can finally face his beautiful husband. Win looks so heartbroken and he looks so tired. His eyes are glassy as he meets Bright’s gaze. 

“Hi,” Win whispers. The younger leans in to place the softest kiss on Bright’s lips. What can he do but reciprocate it? Bright loves kissing Win. He will always love kissing him.

“Have you eaten?” Bright asks when he lets go of Win’s lips. “I can heat up your dinner for you.”

Win shakes his head and buries his face on Bright’s neck. “I ate at the meeting. We were held up. My co-star didn’t like the script and demanded a few changes. Ah. We will change half of the script for her.”

“Who is it this time again?” He never asks Win about his co-stars nor does he watch television nowadays. He’s too busy working at home and looking after Claire he doesn’t have time to catch up with what’s happening.

And Win usually tells him anyway. But today’s his first meeting with the new production team, and his first time getting introduced to his new leading lady.

“Lolita.” She is one of the most sought-after actresses today. Win has worked with her in the past for a music video and a movie. Their love team has created a wide fanbase, but not wide enough to give them consistent projects together.

Bright sighs. These women do not deserve his husband as their love interest. “Want me to tell Off to put laxatives in her drink?” 

Win chuckles. Finally. “She isn’t worth it.” Then in a more serious tone, he adds: “And I wish I could just have left the meeting so I could finally fulfill a promise to our daughter.” He reaches a hand to stroke their daughter’s cheek.

“How long did she try to wait for me?” 

Bright smiles sadly. “She held on for an hour.”

“Damn it.”

“Vocabulary, love.”

“I’m sorry.”

Bright strokes Win’s cheek. He really is so beautiful. “I can’t say it’s not bad, because it is. But I think all we need to do for now is to allow her to understand slowly so that she will not bear a grudge against you. It isn’t any of our fault. We… we had been ready for this, but we both know it would be different with her.”

Win doesn’t respond and instead leans over Bright so he can kiss their daughter’s forehead. Bright can hear him apologizing all over again.

“Before the filming starts, I will take a week off,” Win declares with resolve as he leans away so he’s facing Bright again. “No promises, but I will try my best to pull it off. They will have me all to themselves for three months. A full week with my husband and daughter is nothing compared to that. I will make sure Mr. Footuh gives me that break.”

“The gremlin will fire you.”

“Now that I have a reason to live? Then let him,” Win says without hesitation. Bright loves the fire in Win’s eyes. “My work was my only life a few years ago. But it’s different now. I am not afraid anymore. It isn’t worth it.”

“You don’t need to do that,” Bright replies, pulling Win closer. This time, he wraps his arms around him. 

But Win simply smiles. “Bright, I will do anything and everything for you and Claire. I wasn’t ready before, but I am now. If Mr. Footuh threatens to fire me then so be it.”

Bright exhales a breath he has been holding and kisses Win’s forehead. “We’ll manage if he does that. You know, we will.”

“We will. You and Claire are the most important blessings I have. My job is now secondary. It doesn’t even come close. So tomorrow, I will go directly to him and ask for that vacation.”

“I really love you so much, Win.”

“I love you. I love you both so much.” 

“Dada?”

Win stiffens in Bright’s arms but immediately recovers. The younger lifts his body up just in time to see Claire blinking the sleepiness in her eyes. 

Win gently removes himself from Bright’s arms before standing up so he can walk to the other side of their daughter’s bed. He lays down beside her and places a kiss on her forehead.

“Hello, Baby.”

Claire stares at her Dada before smiling, melting both of her parents’ hearts. 

“Dada, you’re home.”

“I’m home.”

“Did you defeat the dragons, Dada?”

He hears Bright snicker, which tells him this is probably Off’s fault. Oh yes. Every stupid story is Off’s fault. 

“Yes. Dada defeated the dragons so he can finally come home to his King and his little Princess,” Win responds before blowing a raspberry in Claire’s pajama-clad stomach. The little girl giggles and reaches out her arms towards him. Win gladly allows himself to be enclosed in such tiny arms. 

“I love you, Baby Girl,” he whispers. “Dada is sorry that he’s late.”

“It’s okay, Dada,” Claire replies. “It’s not your fault. I love Dada too. This big!” she exclaims as she lets go of her Dada to stretch out her tiny arms. Win laughs and embraces her once more.

“Dada, will you read Claire a story now?”

Win nods and turns towards him. Bright casually hands him the book.

“Start the story now, Dada, please,” Bright says with amusement. He’s not going to let this be easy for Win. “We’re listening. Also, with the sound effects please.”

Win glares at him, but Bright simply returns it with a pointed look. He feels smug when he hears his husband whisper, damn it. 

“Fine.”

With Claire’s squeals of glee, Win really can’t say no anyway. 

For the next few hours, Claire’s room is filled with sounds of fire-breathing dragons and princes.

And as Bright watches his husband and daughter laugh together, he wishes for more moments like this.

Tomorrow, they will share Win again with the world.

But at least for tonight, Win is theirs.

He’s not selfish, but the universe knows how badly he wants to be.

—000—

Selfish.

Bright stopped being selfish when Win fell in love with him. And when Claire arrived in their lives, he just felt like he had everything. As long as he’d stay with his husband and daughter for a long time, he’d be content.

But this—this isn’t what he has in mind.

“Bright—I’m so sorry,” Off says, his friend’s eyes begging him to understand. But how can he when Claire hasn’t stopped crying? The little girl won’t even allow anyone to touch her. She just wants to be in his Papa’s arms and stay there. It’s as if she knows it’s the only place in the world right now where she’s welcomed wholeheartedly.

“It’s not your fault, Off,” Bright replies bitterly. “This is all on him.”

“Bright—”

Bright smiles at Off, and he sees his friend wince. He would have lashed out, but the crying little girl in his arms was preventing him from doing so.

“Off, you know I never asked for anything. I never demanded anything. But this—this is too much. For years I accepted everything because I understood. But that—that, I will never understand.”

“Bright—please, you two should talk about this okay?” Off says, his tone desperate. “I’m sure he didn’t mean to.

“He had a choice, Off,” Bright replies. “I only ever wished for him to do one thing when such a circumstance happened. And I trusted that he would. But he didn’t.”

Off is panicking. “Bright—please. Win will be here soon. He and Lolita are just talking to the press. Gunnie will bring him here in a bit.”

But Bright shakes his head. “We’re not staying for a minute more, Off. As you can see, my daughter needs to get away from here as soon as possible.”

At the mention of his daughter, Off isn’t able to reply. His friend knows that there’s no compromise when it comes to their daughter.

Good, Bright thinks. He gives his friend one last nod before he walks away with the little girl. Claire is calmer, but she’s still sniffing and won’t look up from Bright’s neck. They need to get out of here.

“At least let me bring you to your car,” Off says. “Please? Just for your safety. ”

Bright nods. Even though he’s not really in the mood for a companion, Claire’s safety will always come first. Off knows the protocols. He can lead them safely to his car.

Once there, his friend pats Claire’s head gently before nodding at him. Not one word comes out of his mouth.

It’s only when he gets inside the car after making sure Claire’s strapped to her cart seat does he hears Off speak.

“Fuck,” his friend says. 

But Bright closes his car door without another word and zooms away. He never looks back even if it’s breaking his heart.

WIN

Win’s heart is breaking.

“WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT?!”

He could hear Gunnie try to placate his boyfriend’s anger but to no avail. And Win knows he deserves that anger. Off isn’t reacting like his manager right now. The manager would have understood why he did what he did. The friend wouldn’t.

The effect of what he did gushes like a raging river after the red carpet event. 

He was surprised. He was so surprised to see their daughter being carried by Gunnie at the front, just a foot away from the reporters, behind the red velvet stanchion rope.

But at first, he was filled with happiness. He really was. Until he realized where they were. 

And then he panicked. Most especially when he saw Claire trying to reach for him and call for him, with Gunnie whispering something in her ears. 

And as Win slowly reached the end of the red carpet, his anxiety doubled. He could see the reporters throwing strange looks at his daughter. He could see her mouthing Dada but Gunnie was shushing her gently.

So when the reporters were just within earshot and his daughter a full meter away, he acted on instinct.

Win hurriedly crossed the last steps and pushed Claire away. Not hard. Definitely not. Even unconsciously, he wouldn’t hurt his daughter.

But he… pushed her. He pushed her away.

And that was him denying her.

And the worst thing? It wasn’t her safety that was on Win’s mind at that time. He had pushed her to make sure she wouldn’t ruin his reputation.

Because he wasn’t ready. Not yet.  

The last thing he saw was Gunnie’s shocked expression as well as the teary-eyed expression of their daughter before the reporters hounded him and Lolita. 

He swore he could hear Claire cry, but the music and the reporters distracted him. After years of being in the business, his idol mode was automatically reactivated whenever he was in front of the press.

And right after, the gravity of what he had done hit him in full force. He left the theater before anyone could even stop him. He needed to come home and explain everything to their little girl and to his husband.

Fuck, he thought.

Bright had always been understanding. He knew what Win’s job entailed. Hence, between the two of them, it was Bright who had been hesitant to have kids. At least not yet. Because he knew it would be a difficult job, and he wasn’t sure if Win was ready to give up his career yet or at least half of it.

Still, Bright said yes. Because Win promised that he would make it work.

After just a few months of finally having Claire in their arms, Win broke a promise.

But Bright understood. Again. He took care of Claire, just asking Win to make sure he would still play a major role in their daughter’s life. And he tried. Hard. Because he was the one who wanted this badly.

The days were for his work, but the nights—Win made sure it was shared equally between Bright and Claire.

They made it work. Because Win promised he’d make it work with Bright.

And now here he was. He broke another promise.

“He’s—Bright’s not answering my call,” Win whispered, his voice trembling. Gunnie, who had been more understanding, patted his knee to calm him down.

Off sneered at him. Off never sneered at him before. 

“What do you think? After what you did, he’d just welcome you with open arms?” Off asked. “Win—I was there when Bright was hesitating to adopt a baby because he knew you might not be ready. But you promised. You reassured him that when it came to the baby, there was no compromise. Claire would always come first.”

“Off—please—”

“No, Gunnie,” Off said. “I am not just his manager, I am also his friend. I am also Bright’s friend. And I am Claire’s godfather. I’ve been protecting this family for a long time. But how can I do that when Win himself is destroying it?”

“Off!”

“Off—” Win interferes. “You—you know what would have happened, right? If I.. acknowledged my daughter.”

“Yes, of course,” Off smiles coldly. “You’ll make your husband and daughter happy. And I think, yourself as well.”

Win pales at the remark.

“You know my thoughts about this, Win,” Off adds. “You know how they have changed in the past couple of years. I’ve seen how you’ve become miserable whenever you aren’t with your family.”

“Off, please—” Gunnie finally says.

But Off just shakes his head. “Please bring Win home, Love. Use his car. I’ll fetch you at the lobby of the building. I’ll have to take care of the press. Because apparently, after pushing his daughter away, this idiot left the venue without a word to find her, creating buzz among the press people because of such atrocious behavior.” 

Without another word, he starts walking away. Though he pauses when he’s already by the door.

“Win, do you remember what Bright asked you to promise?”

Promise me that if that time comes when Claire is accidentally exposed, don’t ever deny her, Win. Come to her rescue. You can deny me all you want, but not her. I can understand, but she won’t. Don’t break your daughter’s heart, Win.

And Win had promised. AGAIN.

His silence must have been enough for Off because his manager just shakes his head, clearly disappointed in him.

“Win—come on. I’ll bring you home. You can’t drive in this state,” Gunnie says a few minutes later. Win doesn’t reply, but he allows the other to drag him to a small pathway leading to his car. There’s always a special passageway made for him, or else he’ll find himself hounded by fans.

The car ride is quiet. Gunnie, who usually has a lot to say since he’s not only Win’s friend but also Win’s manager’s boyfriend, just allows Win to wallow in his own self-pity.

They’re almost near his house when Win finally opens his mouth. He needs to ask. He has to.

“Gunnie? What happened? Why were you there?”

Gunnie sighs. “It’s my fault, Win, for not being able to say no to Claire.”

“It’s Bright’s fault for allowing it in the first place.”

“Don’t you dare blame your husband in this, Win!”

Win is shocked, to say the least. It’s not the reaction he’s expecting. 

“Bright has NOTHING to do with it. He has always been careful, Win. He sacrificed a lot for you and your dreams, even to the point of setting aside his own. Don’t. You. Dare.”

Ouch. “Gun—”

“He and Off were talking about your next song so I volunteered to look after Claire,” Gunnie continues. “He must have told me to be careful a hundred times, but just one tiny request from the little tot and I couldn’t say no. It was MY fault, not Bright’s. Never his. He’ll never compromise you, Win. I thought you at least knew that.”

“I—” Of course, he does. Bright has been wonderful. It’s his ego talking. He wants to blame someone so the guilt won’t kill him. And he’s so used to Bright making the sacrifice he wants him to take this blame as well.

He is a fucking horrible human being and a husband who doesn’t deserve his husband.

“I’m sorry,” Win finally replies. He starts crying again. 

Gunnie just shakes his head and doesn’t reply. He only speaks when they reach the apartment building. “We’re here. I’m dropping you off in the lobby. I’ll park this and wait at the reception for Off. They recognize me anyway. Go.”

They might still be there.

Win doesn’t need to be told twice. He’s out of the car even before Gunnie has parked it properly.

They just have to be there. They just have to be.

—000—

The house is empty.

Win has expected it, but he has still hoped otherwise. He knows Bright enough to understand that his husband is a flight-first-before-fight man. He doesn’t like confronting things or people while they’re still fresh. 

He calls Off, but it only ends up in his friend’s voicemail. 

Again, it’s Gunnie who finally pities him. He tells him to stay put in their home and that he will be the one to come up in a bit. It means the other guy is still in the lobby.

Gun arrives a few minutes later and sees Win sprawled on his couch staring at nothing.

He sighs and sits beside him.

“Hey,” he nudges Win, but he will not respond.

Gunnie sighs and goes to the kitchen. He comes back with cans of beer and hands Win one, which he wordlessly accepts. 

It takes a few cans of Kirin before Win manages to speak. He is trembling.

“I didn’t mean to, Gunnie,” Win whispers, his hand automatically clutching at his chest. He has never known pain until now. There is this hollowness inside his chest that keeps getting bigger, refusing to stop until he is no longer whole.

“You didn’t, but you couldn’t take it back either.”

“Does Off—does he know where they are?”

Gunnie smiles sadly. “I can’t lie to you, Win, you know that. They’re at Bright’s hometown.” At Win’s panicked eyes, he adds, “Just for a week! And Bright will not tell his parents what happened. You know he isn’t like that.”

Win wraps his arms around himself. He really feels vulnerable right now. 

“Everything will be fine, Win,” he hears Gunnie say. “Like how it always does.”

And Win fucking hopes it will.

—000—

Win’s Mom quietly serves her eldest son breakfast. 

Win has been staying at the family house for a week now since his husband and daughter left for Bright’s hometown. 

It was his mother who came and got him. It turned out Off had called her. While he wasn’t talking to his friend yet, he still cared. 

When Win failed to go to work for a week, Off made sure he wasn’t bothered even by his management, most especially Mr. Footuh.

Win was aware he had lost a lot of weight. He’s not eating. He’s not sleeping. And he’s always by the phone, having caught his mother talking to Claire one night. But even before he could snatch the phone from her, it had been disconnected.

Bright never called again. Or maybe his parents and siblings had been more secretive about it. They loved Claire. And while it was difficult for them to accept Bright at first, they fell in love with the man as well. He was very patient. He didn’t force any connection with Win’s family. He just showed them how sincere he was and how much he loved and supported Win.

Bright thawed the icy hearts of his traditional family. It took him a whole year, but he was able to. And now—he knows his family is on Bright’s side. They don’t voice out their opinions, but missing Bright and Claire has been slipping from their mouths a lot recently.

“Just place the used dishes on the sink. I’ll take care of them in a bit,” Win’s mom says, breaking his thoughts. Everyone thinks his mom is too sophisticated for household chores, but little do they know she loves to clean a lot.

“Mom,” Win calls. There’s something so impersonal in his mom’s tone that finally makes Win talk. 

He can see that she’s trying not to get swayed by the emotion in her son’s voice. But Win needs something on his side right now. Just one person who can try and understand him. 

It used to be Bright, but Win has fucked that one up greatly. 

“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry,” Win whispers. And perhaps it’s the desperation in his voice that makes his Mom go to him and embrace him. Win wraps his arms around his Mom’s stomach and quietly breaks down.

She doesn’t say anything. She just allows her son to cry as she embraces him.

In times like this, a mom’s silent understanding can always make things temporary better. 

—000—

Better.

Win’s heart stops when he comes home and sees his husband, the handsome man he hasn’t seen in three whole weeks, with a bag in his hand.

“Bright…” he stupidly says, his heart a little too slow to catch up that yes, this is indeed his husband in front of him, dressed in his signature plain shirt and jeans, wearing his hair in that little half ponytail Win loves so much.

Bright is the first one to recover from the shock. He gives him a small smile that looks forced. It makes Win flinch.

“Sorry, I thought you would be filming until late at night. I just… got a few of Claire’s things. I’m… I’m going now,” Bright says and moves past him.

Win finds that he cannot move even though his brain is running a mile a minute. He’s panicking. He knows that if he allows Bright to leave now, he will never come back for a long time.

And that… that hurts more than anything else.

Win stops thinking. Fast as lightning, he turns around and runs towards Bright just in time to stop him from reaching for the knob.

“Bright… Love Please…” …don’t leave me. Don’t walk away from me. 

Forcefully, he places himself between the door and his surprised husband before wrapping his arms around him. 

God. He misses Bright so much. He can feel every fiber of his being getting alive with this man in his arms even though the hug isn’t being returned. It feels like it has been a long time since he’s able to feel this so much peace.

“I love you… Bright, I love you,” he whispers, his embrace on him tightening as he speaks the words. “I stopped making excuses for what I did. I was wrong and I was the worst father for doing that. If I could turn back time, I would have done so already, but I couldn’t.”

Bright still doesn’t respond.

“When I proposed to you, I had every intention to love you for the rest of my pathetic life, Bright. And when Claire came into our lives, that vow extended to her. That will never change. I’m sorry… I’m sorry that I hurt you and Claire. But I want you to know that my life is meaningless without you two and that everyone can go to hell for all I care. Love… please. If you can’t forgive me… at least believe that. Believe that… please. I am begging you… Please.”

Win continues to cling to Bright. He has no more tears left to shed, but he wants Bright to feel how sorry he is, and how he’ll go to hell first before he can repeat the same mistakes again.

“I love you… I love you so fucking much. Please…. please…”

Perhaps, it’s the sincerity in his voice that finally got through to his husband. Because after a brief moment of hesitation, Win feels it. Two larger arms wrapped themselves around his smaller frame.

Win clings tighter. Bright has to lead him to their couch because he won’t let go of the older man.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he keeps saying as pushes himself further into Bright’s embrace, refusing to move away from him. “I love you. Don’t leave me… please.”

Bright doesn’t respond, instead, he lifts Win’s chin and looks into his eyes. He must have seen what he wants to see because he dips his head and finally claims Win’s lips in a kiss.  

And Win instantly responds, kissing Bright harder, as if he hasn’t had a taste of the older man for days.

Well… he hasn’t. And that thought alone fuels him more. He can’t lose him. He can’t lose them. He refuses to.

He will die if he does.

So in a painful combination of shattered promises and new beginnings, Win shows Bright just how much he is nothing without him.

And thankfully, Bright allows him.

—000—

Their post-passion cuddles are usually Bright holding him against his chest just keeping Win close.

But it’s different tonight.

Bright’s head is on Win’s chest, listening to his heartbeat. This is how Win wants it tonight. He wants Bright to hear that his heart’s only beating for him.

“I love you.”

Bright places a soft, lingering kiss on Win’s chest. It is a simple gesture, but it means everything. 

I love you. I will always choose you. 

As he feels Bright change their positions so he can envelop Win in his arms, the younger can’t help but wish that it’s still not too late for him to ask Claire for forgiveness. 

—000—

Forgiveness.

“Do you think she will forgive me?” he asks quietly as they make their way towards his husband’s old apartment, where he and their daughter are currently staying. 

Bright squeezes his hands. “It will be easier with her, Love. Claire was hurt. She thought you—hated her. Because you denied her. But—she’s a kid. She has a pure heart. She’ll forgive you.” He kisses Win’s forehead, allowing the younger to relax a little.

“Who’s inside?” Win asks.

“Just your mother, I promise,” Bright responds before pulling open the door. He has heard from his husband that his mom has been visiting her granddaughter every chance she gets. This is one of those times.

Though she has no idea Bright will be coming home with him.

Home. Win feels nostalgic as they enter the genkan. Bright’s apartment is big, but he was able to get it for half the price. It’s owned by the lady who used to think of him as her grandson. Bright got close to her because he was a regular customer in her coffee shop. Bright couldn’t sleep whenever he was composing a song, and her shop had been his creative nook. 

Bright’s apartment used to be their secret sanctuary for a long time, which is why they didn’t even think of selling it. It was… decent but ordinary. No one would think a celebrity like him would stay here. 

This used to be home for him. He could be who he was here. He could wake up all grumpy and disheveled, and with the worst morning breath ever and Bright wouldn’t care. He could wear his most tattered shirt and he’d never bat an eyelash. 

“Papa? Is that you?”

Win’s thoughts stop along with his heart upon hearing that little voice he missed so much. Bright smiles at him reassuringly before releasing his hand so he can show himself to their daughter.

“Yes, Claire. It’s me,” he hears Bright say. “Were you good to Grandma?”

“Yes, Papa!” Claire giggles, instantly melting Win’s heart. “Claire loves Grandma so much!”

Win can hear his own mother laughing at what their daughter just uttered. Claire really is everyone’s little gem.

Win steps out of the shadows just as his mother looks up. Her mouth falls agape at the sight of him, but Win begs her to keep quiet.

She nods, but there is doubt in her eyes. It hurts him a little. But then again, this is his fault, isn’t it?

“Love…” Bright’s voice gets his attention. “Papa has something to ask you.”

Claire jumps from the perch on the couch to run towards her Papa “What is it, what is it, Papa?!”

Bright turns their daughter around before he stoops down to her level. “Baby?” he asks while cupping their daughter’s face between his hands. “Do you… miss Dada?”

Win isn’t able to breathe until he hears the small voice respond with a soft “yes”. The relief he feels is enough to last him a lifetime. Bright is right. Their daughter’s heart really is so pure.

“You do?” Bright sounds relieved, and Win is once again reminded about how lucky he is, and how miserable his life would be if fate hadn’t been kind to him. 

It had been a close call.

Claire nods meekly. “I miss Dada, Papa. Is he… is he still angry at Claire? I just wanted to see him. I didn’t know it was bad to do that.

No, it wasn’t bad to do that, Win wants to say. It hurts that his daughter thinks what she did was bad. Damn it, Win. You asshole.

“Does he forgive Claire now?” Then she starts to sniffle. “Because Claire promises she would never do that again.” The little girl then turns around and jumps at Win’s mother to bury her tiny face on her lap, and cries. She cries so hard that every adult’s heart in that room cracks and shatters into pieces.

Win cannot take it anymore. He just cannot see his daughter break down like that. Never again.

Win finally takes another step until he can be clearly seen. 

“Claire? Dada loves you so much. You did nothing wrong, Baby. It was Dada’s fault for being bad. But—I didn’t mean to. And Dada promises that it will never happen again. Dada loves you so much that it hurts you to think that way.”

They all witness as Claire freezes in Win’s mother’s arms before he slowly lifts her head to meet the eyes of her father. 

Win gets down on his knees and slowly extends his arms towards his daughter.

“Claire, Baby, Dada is really sorry and he misses you. Can you ever forgive Dada?”

Claire continues to stare at him, her eyes wide.

“Claire? Baby Girl?” Win’s voice is trembling. “Love?”

It takes a few more heartbeats, but Claire finally snaps out of her shock and runs towards her father’s arms. 

“Dada!” Claire keeps saying even as she cries. Win hugs her so tightly in his arms, assuring his daughter how much he loves her and how badly he misses her. 

Even his usually cool mother is now openly crying at the sight.

When Bright joins the embrace, Win is enveloped in a warmth that he thought he would never feel again. 

They’ll be okay.

From now on, Win will make sure that they will be. 

So the next day, he calls Off and tells him to arrange a press conference for him even without the permission of the management.

And Win—he reveals it all. That he’s married. That he has a daughter.

And that he’s leaving 6ML. 

Mr. Footuh receives an irrevocable resignation letter later that day on his table. 

##